The Day the Penis asked for a Raise
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response:
Dear P.Niss:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina
Dear P.Niss:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina
Dear Ms V.Gina,
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to review my request. But in my defense, here is what i have to say:
- i do not work 8 hrs straight because you, Ms V.Gina is never around the office. In addition to that, we are being forced to take unpaid leave for a week because the office will be closed due to busted pipe, flooding the whole work area with red water.
- i think you have mistaken me for someone else. I don't fall asleep during work hours, it was my other colleague, Kukubird.
- i don't stay in one location not because i dont obey the management but because Ms B.J. Lips is asking for my help to train up Ms Palmers and her 5 new interns.
- Ms V.Gina, i believe it is the other way round. I am always easier to please and easy to get into the working mood (in like seconds). But you in the other hand, have the FOR3_PLAY.xls checklist to complete each time before i can start my work. So its best to skip it and get to work - time is gold :)
- Ms V.Gina, as i mentioned earlier, we work in a dark, hot and dangerous environment. So we have no other choice but to finish up quickly and get out; leaving the place in a mess. From an engineering point of view, i think best way to resolve this is to leave the mess with Ms. B.J Lips, as she is with the cleaning and maintenance crew. And sometimes we do not put on protective clothing, because you told us it wasn't necessary!
- I retire before 65 because starting from 60, the office is already so old and dusty, machines are all broken down and left 'hanging' that there is no way for me to find motivation to work anymore. I think it can be resolved by replacing management to give it a fresh young feel again.
- I don't work double but TRIPLE shift. At times, i have to even wake you up at 4am to get into the office.
- I did complete my assignment and task, i usually leave it with Ms BJ. Lips, Ms F.Ace or Ms. B.Elly. You can find my complete and finished report there. And sometimes if i forget, its always inside my protective pockets.
- the 2 bags that i always carry are my documents to help with work. It is important.
Sincerely,
Dr. P. Niss
BEng (Hons) Engineering in S.Ex Science
oh btw,
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